“If he discovered Relationships Fail how terrible I really am – he would definitely not go out with me” – “he would definitely leave me.” Always low self-esteem situates you in your consciousness far behind other candidates. Knowing this makes you afraid he will discover it too. For fear of rejection, you don’t get into a relationship at all. Better to spare yourself the disappointment. TripTogether When you, by some miracle, enter into a relationship, you are at every command, simply “the perfect woman” – in this way you try to make up for your “shortcomings”. As a result, you are also an easy victim of any emotional blackmail and manipulation. You permanently feel threatened, afraid that your partner will eventually discover that you are not perfect and leave you.
When there is a conflict, the fear of abandonment is stronger than the need to resolve the issue at issue. Then you withdraw, you take the blame. Kaśka argued with Marek about his flirting with Renata. Marek has denied everything, believes that Kaśka is exaggerating the matter, limiting his freedom, and he is already suffocating in this relationship. The last statement was an alarm signal for Kaśka.
A red indicator light flashed on her, saying “I want to leave you! You’re not good enough !! ” And at this point, Kaśka gives up her need to be adored, to be the only one in his life. In panic, she is now struggling to “retrieve” her partner, who in her opinion has already decided to abandon her. So she is preparing a romantic evening, she is sweet, beautiful and fragrant. It caters to all of Mark’s whims. He is undoubtedly in cloud nine. And Kaśka? He feels safe for a moment. For fear of repeating that threatening reaction, she will now tolerate Mark’s flirting. And suffer. In silence.
Black and White Diagram of The Relationship
Marlena has been in many relationships and every time the euphoria passed, she started telling me how wrong she was and that it was playing the same story again and again, that she was tired of it. She gave me an account of her partner’s behavior that was “beyond her mind.” Each time she was just as surprised by her partner’s “bad behavior”, and I had the feeling that Marlena was just waiting for him to stumble.
This and the next. Only when she became convinced that the relationship had no chance anyway, she breathed a sigh of relief. It was she who ended the relationship in one way or another. She never took care to solve a difficult situation differently. When there was a tension, she used to shut herself up from her partner, reproaching herself for having allowed herself to be under the illusion of him. And here is the dog buried. In illusions!
For a very long time, sometimes throughout our lives, we have believed that there is no disagreement or anger in a perfect relationship. Consciously, we know that it is impossible, but our emotional part wants just such a wonderful relationship. If you grew up in a home where there was too much anger, or it was not expressed – you probably have an overwhelming fear of being confronted openly. Meanwhile, there must be some misunderstandings between two healthy adults.
It is Natural that we are Different,
That we have our limits, that we need independence. Your idealistic vision of a relationship, however, does not assume such program differences. You are to be happy with each other and that’s it. Only this Hollywood happy ending rarely materializes. TripTogether.Com You explain your partner’s normal anger as “He doesn’t love me anymore.” Conversely, you bind yourself with a warrant: “Since I love you, I can’t express my anger with you. Such a relationship goes through highs (when it’s wonderful) and downs (when there’s a crack in the relationship). With the predominance of the latter.
In a healthy relationship, partners talk about what is bothering them. They try to discuss each other’s disagreements to find out what caused them and how to avoid them in the future. But the most important thing is that they don’t shy away from expressing their anger.
Unloaded anger consumes the relationship with a subcutaneous current. After a while, it will drain all the juices out of you, and then such a relationship will no longer make sense to you. You leave because the myth has not materialized. You believe that the perfect partner for you is somewhere in the world. After a while, however, you may be too disappointed with another “failed” relationship to pack into another one. You are actually right. Too bad for your strength. You already know what it will end with.
Previous Disappointments – Relationships Fail
Małgosia loved only a few times, but she loved it with her whole self. She involved all her emotions in the relationship, her full potential. She was giving all of herself. Her relationships were reaching the height of elation. They were remarkable. Fairytale. Each ended in failure.
Karolina has had many relationships. Some of them were sporting, others friendly, other men she fell in love with death, at least for a while. Some of these relationships continue to this day in a loose form. Charles has never really been fully involved in a relationship. Some part of her had to be independent and lead an independent life. Her relationships were not a failure, but neither brought about a long-term relationship culminating in the creation of a family. After some time, she lost faith that she would succeed. As she says herself, “she tried too many times.” Therefore, now, she is deliberately entering into relationships that do not bring hope anyway. But I know that Karol, although he does not admit it, still has hope.
It doesn’t matter if there were many or just one professions. What matters is how deep the unhealed wound is deep inside us. The deeper you hurt, the harder it becomes to trust again. Closing oneself seems to be safer than opening up to another person. This comes with the risk of suffering again. Relationships Fail We need to be open to other people, no matter what it may bring us. And at the same time be aware of your own fear of getting hurt. This is how we tame the demon.
For as CGJung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will govern your life, and you will call it destiny.”
Once you know what you are afraid of in your relationship, enter into a new relationship with full awareness of your limitations. But go all the way. With all of me without looking back. Trusting myself and him. Reach for happiness, risking failure. Risking every day. By letting things happen, not interfere with their course. Let him be as he is. And allow myself to be as I am. Imperfect. Once a goat’s death! Maybe several times.
Defining Boundaries – Relationships Fail
The problem of boundaries concerns both spatial and emotional boundaries. The man may want to mark his territorial boundaries more strongly. He will not be happy when you clean up his studio. The woman, on the other hand, has a much greater need to maintain emotional boundaries. What to do when she can’t take care of them herself. In childhood, someone important did not listen to what she had to say. He didn’t care what she felt, he just imposed his opinion. Therefore, even now, the woman allows her partner to be neglected and disregarded.
Another aspect of boundaries is too much empathy. Childhood is again at the root of this problem. Children tend to enter into other people’s emotions. They experience it as if it were for themselves. The parent should teach the child to separate problems, emotional disengagement. What to do when he cannot do it himself … So he brings up the next generation of emotional cripples who are unable to protect their space, experience problems for others, take them on and suffer. The effect of this is that the woman does not care about the state of her psyche. He is involved in all problems, takes responsibility for the failures of his partner and children. After some time, she is not able to bear the worries of all those close to her.
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To create a healthy relationship, you need to be aware of yourself, get to know yourself, know how we operate, what does taking over other people’s problems do to us and how should we take care of our own emotional comfort. This is where, as a rule, there is an inherent guilt. As soon as a woman thinks about taking care of herself and her limits, remorse enters the arena. They are all more important than herself. This causes the woman to not take care of herself. She is submissive in relationships, she does not guard her borders.
Until she is no longer able to tolerate her slavery. Then he starts to react. As a rule, her behavior is inadequate to the situation, incomprehensible by the environment, irrational. So he feels guilty again. And so it goes on.
Let us not delude ourselves that someone will help Relationships Fail us in this battle with ourselves. Until we take care of our psyche ourselves, no one will do it for us. Because no one knows what we need, what needs we hide and where our borders run. And no one will find out until we discover them ourselves, and then mark our relationship on the map.